My whole inspiration for this blog was to basically brag about myself. That someone with severe anxiety can remain a confident, normal, happy, functioning member of society. If I ever had to describe myself with a positive and negative, I would likely use the title of this blog "Anxious but Awesome."
When I personally think of anxious people, I think of the mentally ill, of people who cannot function without the aid of psycho therapy while being heavily medicated. I know this image is entirely untrue, but part of me worries that's where I will end up one day if I let this take over my life.
But here I am! I really like myself. I wake up everyday, usually smiling. To me life is beautiful and valuable and easily taken for granted. I am actually sometimes thankful for the irrational physical symptoms I get with my anxiety. They tend to kick my butt and make me take a step back and realize how much I would be losing if these symptoms weren't just a manifestation of my over active mind.
I've always been a confident person, from a very young age. I was just 10 years old, already suffering from anxiety, when I realized that I loved myself. There were children in my class who made fun of my weight, or my annoying habit of blurting whats on mind, or my overuse of my new found love of sarcasm, they were relentless in trying to break me down. But they failed. At that tender age, just before being thrown in to puberty, I loved myself. I saw all the good in me and couldn't believe they didn't. This love and respect for myself, I believe, is what carries me through this condition.
I think confidence is an important tool to be used to cope with anxiety. Whether it be confidence in yourself, or confidence in the rational world meaning - no you aren't going to die this second, no the oven isn't going to explode, no your car isn't going to drive itself off a bridge with you and your children inside.
Another perhaps untypical characteristic of someone with anxiety like mine, is the fact that I am very outgoing. I am a people person through and through. At a party who is talking to new people? Me. Awkward silence while getting your gas tank filled, not with me in the car. First one to raise their hand and offer their opinion, yep that's me too.
Why would someone who panics and experiences extreme fears do what so many people are afraid of? I don't really know. My only current explanation is that I am awesome. Despite my ability to be irrational when I start to notice my heart race, or how I worry daily what will happen if there's an earthquake while my children are away from me. I hope this blog helps me find more people like me, or help more people be like me. I am, anxious but awesome.
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